Losing your marriage in motherhood

Isn’t being a mama great? Those belly laughs and the little voice that says, “I lub yew mama” are what we live for. As mama bears we’d do anything for our kids. It’s never a pretty sight when a mama sees someone hurting her cub. Watch out people, here comes an attack!

It’s so easy (most times) to look past the tantrum or attitude in our children. We love unconditionally and extend them so much grace. A lot of times, we extend more grace to our kiddos than we do ourselves and our husbands.

Let’s talk more about our husbands, shall we? How is your marriage doing friend? Are you struggling to make time together? Is he driving your crazy? Do you have that guilt at the end of the day because you are so tired and don’t really feel like talking or being romantic? Or maybe you guys are partying like it’s 1999 and are so in love and having all the sex. Maybe you guys are just in survival mode and are just trying to make it to bed every night. I think we have all been there, and if you haven’t, please hit a sister up and tell me all of your secrets.

Don’t get me wrong, having babies is hard. Nursing, feeding, and all the mama things are not always a walk in the park. However, it’s in times like these that our husband’s needs get put on the back burner. We need them during this season of life, but sometimes we forget, they need us too.

Simple reminder

Being a mom isn’t for the weak. When you become a mother you are forced to become strong for your kiddos. There is so much transition for us. Lots and lots of change and hormones. However, I never thought about how having babies also impacts our husbands. I mean who has time to think about them when I just had a living thing ripped out me!!

Jokes aside, there is a transitional period for dads. Men are not only learning how to be a dads, but also how to adapt to seeing a new side of their wives. Some of it is beautiful and others maybe not so much.

My husband is not the emotional type. When our apartment caught fire, his response was, “It’ll be alright.” He is just really chill and very reserved. I often forget how much of an impact I have on my husband because he doesn’t express his feelings in a way I, or we women, do. I forget how much power I have to positively influence his life.

Here is a simple, but true reminder. Your husband wants and needs you. I know most times they don’t act like they do but hold on for a sec. Think about that. You are your husband’s number one person he cares most about. Your actions and words speak life (or death) to him. Scripture says in Proverbs 27:15, “An endless dripping on a rainy day and a nagging wife are alike.” Ouch! Did this sting anyone else? I might have some apologizing to do. Thank you Jesus for grace in our marriages!

We have so much power as wives. We can use that to destroy our men, or build them up. You know the saying, behind every good man is a great woman. There is some truth to this.

As life happens, our husbands need our encouragement and support. He needs you to be there with him cheering him on. You know all those things we love that our husbands do? Our husbands have those things too. It’s so easy to lose your marriage to motherhood. I know I struggle with this.

A capable wifey

I am no expert on marriage, so let’s look and see what Proverbs 31 says about wife life.

“Who can find a capable wife? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

I want to focus on a few things here. First, let’s look at what it means to be a capable wife. A capable wife is a wife that is competent, not perfect. One that is qualified, efficient, and gifted. I don’t think it’s talking about mad guitar skills here. You are qualified to be the wife your husband needs because Jesus has created you to fulfill the role as wifey.

Now let’s stop for a minute. I’m NOT saying your only role in life is to be a wife. I’m also not saying your have no voice and are a door mat. No, God is pretty direct about how a husband should treat wives, with understanding and that he must love you more than himself (1 Peter 3:7; Ephesians 5:33). Husbands and wives have a complementary relationship.

You are valuable

Let’s take a second to also notice how important a capable wife is. A capable wife is more precious than jewels. You are worth more than diamonds, girl! Your role as a wife is important to your husband and to God. You are not just a wife, you are valuable.

When something is valuable, you don’t just leave it on the counter or let the dog play with it in the backyard. You don’t leave precious jewels out to be stolen or destroyed. You protect them, keep them safe, show them off. That’s us sisters. That is not only how our husbands view us, that is how God views us! Wow! Pretty cool huh?

Let that sink in for a second. I know, I like to do a lot of “sinking” but think about it friend. I have a two questions for you.

• Do you believe that your role in your husband’s life is valuable?

• What will you teach your children about marriage by your actions as a wife?

Your role as a wife is valuable sister, don’t let the enemy steal that.

Marriage goals: do more good

“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life.”

These, my sweet friends, are marriage goals. A constant circle of outdoing one another with good. He trusts her and does not withhold any good thing from her and she rewards him with more good back. Good, good, and more good. Man, isn’t this easier said than done? Can this be real life?

Remember, these are goals. We aren’t going to have perfect marriages. Our husbands will hurt our feelings and we will disrespect them. We will forget all about this verse and act on our flesh. That’s okay. We repent and continue to move forward. We will have bad days and bad seasons, but we get up and fight every morning to do good. Let me repeat, you aren’t called to be a perfect wife.

“She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life.”

• What are some ways you can do good in your husband’s life?
• How can the verse, “she rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life” apply to your daily life in marriage?

Grace

Ladies, let’s be real here. This wife stuff is awesome and inspiring, but how the heck do we actually apply this to our marriages? Is this humanly possible? With Christ, all things are possible (Luke 1:27; Philippians 4:13). I want to speak to all you wives and mamas who may be struggling with this.

Sweet sister, I want you to know you have not been called to be the perfect wife or perfect mom. You are equipped to be an amazing wife and mom because of Jesus and His power. You have such power living inside of you! Those really hard, guilt-filled days, are no match for the blood of Jesus Christ. You have not only been given grace for your past and future failures and mistakes, but you have grace here, now, in this moment.

You are loved and valuable. No one can love your husband like you do. No one can mother your babies like you do. You are unique, different, and beautifully designed. You are not called to be like ___________ or to be perfect. You have been called to share the love of Christ to your husband, children, and the world. You haven’t been randomly selected, you have been chosen. Picked out and set apart for this very purpose.

Reflection

• What is God speaking to you through these verses?
• What are practical ways you can do good in your marriage?
• How does the grace God has for you, impact your marriage?
• In what ways, do you doubt your ability as a wife and mother?
• What verses speak truth to your doubts on God’s ability to work supernaturally through you? (Google search is the best FYI)

Praying for your marriage and motherhood friend!

With LOTS of love,

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