When I brought my newborn home from the hospital, I did everything in my power to keep him from crying. I didn’t understand that crying was his way of communicating. Because of this, every time he whined or cried or looked at me, I nursed him. I became a human pacifier. I literally had a cute little leech! He was a terrible sleeper because he was very much dependent on me. There was a long stretch where he slept well, but when I quit my job to stay home, he woke up often during the night, took hours to get down, and only wanted me. Does this sound familiar? However, I handled it so well. I was mature and never lost my temper and I also didn’t drink wine and cry. JUST KIDDING! Momma was stressed, tired, and um..maybe a little angry. After doing lots of research on sleep training, I took a bit of this and a bit of that I decided to try it. I mean what’s the worst that could happen?
A few things before I begin to share. THIS IS WORK! Anything that produces fruit requires hard work. But girl listen- IT IS WORTH IT! I remember several months after training, I put my son down and went on with my night when he was still AWAKE in bed but NOT crying. I told my husband, aren’t you glad I sleep trained? This is AWESOME! I also want to include here that I’m a sucker for my baby boy’s cries. He may have me wrapped around his finger so if I can do this and be strong, YOU CAN. You can let your toddler cry while nurturing trust.
This is also a great tool to have when those sleep regressions come into play.
What is sleep training?
Sleep training is when you train an infant or toddler to sleep independently. This is done without a bottle, rocking, or holding. There are many different methods of sleep training. It can get overwhelming reading and learning about all the different options. In this post, I am going to share only three types of sleep training methods.
One of the most controversial sleep training methods is the Cry It Out method. When using the Cry It Out Method, or CIO, you put your kiddo in their bed awake and you let them, well, cry it out. You don’t give any attention to their cries. I know some parents this has worked for, but not us. I think it’s important to notate here that crying is not a bad thing. Your child is not hurting or in danger. However, I strongly believe in creating a trusting environment. For us, this didn’t support our home.
Another sleep training method is the Ferber method. The Ferber method is when you put your child in their crib and check on them after a certain time frame. For example, you let your child cry for 7 minutes then go in and comfort them. You do not pick up the child or stay in the room too long. Just a quick, “Mommy is right outside” and then leave. You want to make sure that you are straight forward and calm. You do not want to spend too much time in the room with your child. You want to let them know you are not gone forever and it’s going to be okay boo.
The method of sleep training I used is the chair method. I didn’t actually use a chair but this method is when you sit in your child’s room until they fall asleep. The first night you sit next to their bed. Like the Ferber method, you do not pick them up or give them unnecessary amount attention. You want your child to know you are serious and it’s time to sleep. It’s recommended that you should not even talk to your child, but I did as needed. You know your kid mom, so you be the judge of that. Every few nights you move the chair or where you are sitting further and further to the door and eventually outside of the room.
Getting prepared
You need to pick a time that is right for you and your family to start training. Especially if you have other children. If there is a lot of change or inconsistency going on (holidays, traveling, etc.), you might want to hold off until things are back to normal.
You need to go ahead and accept the fact that (1) this will be work, (2) it might take awhile for your toddler to fall asleep at first, and (3) you can do it! I also want to add that you need to remain calm. This is so important. Your toddler will feed off your emotion so make sure you are not upset. The goal is to NOT make them feel punished. Besides, your child is wanting your attention so even negative attention will negatively impact this process. So grab your glass of wine or your cup of tea, your ear buds and be prepared for a night of parental bliss (yes, sarcasm is a great friend to have in a time like this).
Establish a bedtime routine
If you have not created a bedtime routine you will need to establish one. This routine will let your toddler know that it’s time for bed instead of catching him or her by surprise. It’s also a great bonding time of the day for us. We begin our routine at 7:30. It looks something like this; bath, pajamas, brushing teeth and hair, 3 books, lights out, and then prayer. I even use an alarm on my phone to signal when it’s time to take a bath. Your bedtime routine doesn’t have to look this, but it works for us. It takes about 30-45 minutes. I read on some articles that said 30 minutes tops, but you know what’s best for your kid so pick a time length that supports your family.
Consistency is key
Kids, especially toddlers, test boundaries. It is our job as parents to teach them what appropriate boundaries are. When you create realistic and consistent bedtime boundaries, you build their trust in the schedule and provide a safe environment. Your job in this is to be more stubborn than your child. Staying consistent is the key. You also want to make sure that you and your husband are on the same page with these boundaries. Here are few boundaries to go by:
- do not rock, pick up, or sleep with your toddler (picking up if necessary only!)
- stick to the bedtime routine
- choose the same time to begin routine every night
- stay in one spot (next to the bed, wall, by door, or outside the door) the entire night
- limit your conversation to your child, comforting words and reminding them it’s time to sleep is more than enough
These help your toddler to know what to expect. If there are times of weakness, you haven’t ruined your hard work. Just stick to it next time. It’s okay to fail, but do your best to stay consistent.
Why I chose the chair method
Because we were transitioning to a toddler bed, I needed a method that also reinforced him to STAY in bed. If I would have chose a different method, I would have been chasing him all around! This method allowed me to place him right back in his bed but still be there for him.
My son was very attached to me during this time. This was the best way to easily transition him into sleeping independently. It took some time and effort but my goal was achieved.
My sleep training experience
Before I was training, I would rock my son to sleep every night. He was outgrowing our rocker. Sleep training changed my life! During this time we transitioned him to a toddler bed (one he can get in and out of). We made a big deal about it! He got a new sleep toy and a special big boy blanket. I did this same process at nap time too! It doesn’t matter if you want to start during the day or night. I recommend the day because you are more aware and alert and the first time is the hardest.
The first time using the chair method I sat next to his bed. He cried and wanted me to hold him but I tried to stay consistent and calm. When he would get up or get out of bed, I would calmly place him back in reminding him it is time to go night-night. The first day was the hardest. After a few days of no to little tears, I moved to the wall of his room and repeated this process. Then, I moved by the door, outside of the door, and finally I told him I was on the couch in the playroom. The first few days and during transition times seemed like the hardest. However, after a few days or so of training, I could already see him making progress. Eventually, I was able to put him in bed, say good night, and turn on Friends all before 8:30!
Don’t forget!
I want to remind you that this is a season of your life that you won’t get back. I often am so distracted by schedules, cleaning, and creating that I miss those sweet little moments I’ll miss 10 years from now. All this mom stuff is so hard. How the heck do we know if we are doing it right? Sister, the thing is we don’t. We try our best, pray constantly, and give ourselves (and our kiddos) grace. Despite what her instagram will say, ain’t no woman got this thing figured out! I still have to go back and use this method from time to time because I’ve lost my ground and consistency. I want to encourage you that you can do this and don’t forget, you got this momma!
Your girl,
