To the mama with littles

Can you relate to this scenario?

You’re tired, worn out and your roots prove it. You just screamed at your kid after getting off the phone with a heated conversation with your husband. How come he gets to sleep? Does he know how tired you are? You feel like a terrible wife and mom. Your baby starts crying and is hungry again. Now your threenager is crying too because you aren’t paying attention to the fact that he’s asked you for a snack 5 billion times (while you were on the phone) but you have to tell him to wait so you can nurse your little. You know you shouldn’t yell. You even did the no yell challenge on Instagram. If people only really knew. How come this is so hard? You don’t remember your mom feeling this stressed. How come everyone else is handling this so well? You start to wonder, is something wrong with me? Can I do this mothering thing?

Anyone relate? Asking for a friend. 😉

Currently it is 6 a.m and I am sitting in my kitchen with COFFEE. I am up at the crack of dawn. Whaaaat? Why? I think I am insane! This morning I felt the Lord tugging on my heart that I needed to sit down and write out words and encouragement that my heart needs most. I know there is another mom out there that needs to hear this too. Here are a few truths that we moms need to remember to keep centered, selfless, and focused on our missions as mamas.

1. You will sleep again

I know, I know. The big one. The one everyone talks and asks about. When people meet your baby they usually follow up with a “How’s she/he sleeping?” Well she’s not and I’m not, so thanks for asking.

Listen here, remember this is just a season. It is not forever. The colicky nights will end (at least that is what my mom keeps telling me). I get it, it’s hard. Real hard. That second month of no sleep really hits you, but it’s temporary. In a few months your baby will start waking up less and less in the night. Take on each night like a battle to win. The enemy wants nothing more than sleep deprivation to ruin you as a wife and mother. Though it may seem impossible, all things are possible through Him and Jesus wants you to lean on Him for strength. You got this because He’s got you which leads me to my next point.

2. Jesus is enough

I’ve learned that self-care for me is time in prayer and in the word. I know, I know how cliche of you Brooke. You’re just so “christian.” No, I’m just being real here. The only thing that can help me be the wife and mom I need to be is Jesus. I have no inner strength apart from the Holy Spirit. In fact, when I try to use my inner strength, I fail and feel frustrated with myself because the truth is, we aren’t enough, Jesus is.

It is unnatural for us human beings to put our needs aside constantly for others. Some may be better at it than others, but I know I need a supernatural event to keep me calm, collected, and empathetic at 2 a.m when I am on my sixth hour with a crying, colicky baby. Cling to Christ, stay in the word, and be vigilant in prayer.

3. Take in the moments

The sleepless nights will come to an end. Managing the tantrums and meltdowns is just a temporary challenge we will have to face while in Target. The overwhelming feeling that you can’t be what everyone needs is seasonal.

However, so will the sweet snuggles, the baby coos, and the sweet little voice asking, “Mama, can you hold me?” As we all know and have been told, time really does fly and one day our littles will duck in the car when we are taking them to the movies (sorry Dad). They will grab the keys instead of our hand and then be off with friends on a Friday night instead of watching Toy Story 2 for the millionth time in our arms.

One day, your house will be empty and quiet and you will sleep great! But you will miss the pitter patter of feet climbing in your bed in the wee hours of the morning. You will miss those tiny little fingers curled up on your chest as your nurse in the middle of the night. Take in the moments instead of wishing them by because one day they won’t need you in that way anymore. But for right now, they are ours. They are exhausting, but they are ours. Ours to love, nurture, and discipline and they want no one else but you, their beautiful mama.

Take in these moments because in every season there is difficulty and challenges, but there are also sweet and beautiful moments. Don’t miss them. Look for them and breathe them in.

4. Accept the help and take time for you

Accept the help you get from parents, family, and friends and use that time wisely. Self-care is a popular topic right now. However, as moms I think we feel selfish or use the time when people are watching our kids to clean or catch up on housework.

Though this does help in some way, what I personally need most is to take that time to get OUT of the house and do something fun or for me. My mom told me that she had a friend who would go to Walgreens to grab a new nail polish color and paint her nails. What is it for you? Maybe it’s going to Starbucks for an hour and reading or chatting on the phone with a friend with a cup of tea UNINTERRUPTED. Heck, maybe it’s just having a conversation without children around. Whatever it is, take that time and use it for you. Don’t feel guilty because time away will recharge your batteries and help you be a better wife and mother.

5. Grace, grace, and more grace

Mama, have grace for your husband. He doesn’t understand fully what you’ve gone through. There is no way unless you’ve been there. He’s adjusting too, just getting more sleep while he does it. He has a big responsibility of providing for you and the kids. Be easy on him and remember your job is to support and encourage him. Have grace on him and grace for yourself when you snap on him. Apologize and keep truckin’ sister because the Holy Spirit inside of you is bigger than the tantrum you just threw at your husband.

Grace for your kids. Sometimes this is easy and other other times it seems impossible. They are needy and depend mostly on you. Give them the grace to fail and discipline them with a firm and gentle hand. You have not messed them up. When you snap apologize and move on. Don’t let the enemy or your negative inner voice tell you that you are a bad mom.

Lastly and importantly, have grace with yourself mama. You are tired and worn down. It’s hard to always be on your A-game. When you yell or lose your cool, be gracious to yourself. Though these are not excuses to let your emotions run wild on your family, don’t destroy yourself when you fail. You will fail and your children will learn from your response to failure. Sometimes, you might be the one on the floor having the meltdown. Recognize, repent, and keep loving. You have not messed up your kids. Support, be patient, and nurture. Cling to truth and walk out your day with Christ. You have been created to do this!

Your girl,