Do you sometimes wish you hadn’t said yes to that birthday party? Are you overwhelmed with all the activities you and your family have planned? Do you regret signing up to go to that church event and feel guilty that you don’t want to go? Hey girl, I’ve been there. Sometimes I go back there and I know several women who like to vacation there. You aren’t alone.
If you are reading this, I prayed for you. I want you to hear (or read) the words that I’m saying to you with love. I want you to know that you have such a big impact that sometimes can feel so tiny. Every day you set an example of the gospel in your home to your children. You are laying the foundation of truth for them to walk in as they become adults. You are so valuable in the kingdom of God and for His mission. Hear me, your role as a wife and mother is more important than any other role you have.
Let me tell you what I am not speaking.
- I don’t mean you blow off all responsibilities at your work or church and claim the “my role as a wife and mom is more important” card.
- I don’t mean you isolate yourself and never leave your house because “your job as a wife and mother are the most important.”
- I am not saying that wives and mothers can’t serve in the church and community.
- I’m not saying that we should all be stay at home mothers.
- I’m not saying service is about you.
What I am speaking to you is that being a wife and mom is your top priority and main ministry.
Real quick – my story
I hope you don’t mind if I share a little bit of my story with you. Is that okay? Well you can’t really argue with me so, here it goes.
Before I was a mom I was super involved in our church. Sometimes I would go just to go, even if I wasn’t serving (I guess I needed a life). I was in college training to become a teacher. I wasn’t working full time and enjoyed serving on the worship team.
After I became a mom, my life looked different. Not only did I have a baby, but I also had a career. I had to leave my two and half month old with a stranger (we now call family). I was trying to figure out pumping, why my supply was going away, and how to function (and teach) with little sleep. I was a new first grade teacher missing the first month of school due to maternity leave and was struggling with postpartum issues.
To add to the new baby stress, my husband was starting a business (which caused financial inconsistency and long work hours for him) and our apartment building caught fire. All of this happened Everett’s first year of life. Phew! It was a year that’s for sure. I didn’t feel like I was enjoying the new-mom life. I actually hated it.
Silly me still thought that I could serve in the church like I had used to. I saw other moms do it, why couldn’t I? How come I am struggling so much to meet other people’s standards (*smacks forehead)?
I loved and enjoyed leading worship, but I was struggling. I was so exhausted, emotional, and spent that when I did lead, I did not lead well. I dreaded the weekend that I was supposed to lead and I think it was reflected in my worship. Finally, our worship pastor sat down with me concerned (with much love). I began to realize I can’t do this, but felt stupid and inadequate. How come I can’t do this like other moms can?
BECAUSE I AM NOT OTHER MOMS.
Things change drastically when; I realize the importance of my role as a wife and mom, that I need to quit comparing myself to other moms, that it’s okay to say no, and that I need to set boundaries in my schedule. Notice I used present verbs, this is still something that I am perfecting. I am not expert in this.
Your role as a mom
Today, we are just going to focus on your role as a mama. Your role as a wife is priority over your children (yikes, guess I need to work on that one), but that’s for a different day.
Motherhood can feel inconsequential and mundane. You make food, you clean the house, you spank the kid (or don’t that’s cool too), you read the books, you kiss the boo-boo, and so on. However, it’s in these moments, that you teach and model the gospel to your children. It’s in the mundane, that the Lord works through us. As moms, we must be aware and alert to use our time with our children wisely, teaching and training them in God’s truth.
As mothers, we must pray for our children. Who else is going to? We pray over them and with them, so they have a model of what prayer looks like. My mother-in-law is wonderful example of a praying mom. I strongly believe because of her prayers, her four boys are men of God today. The enemy wants to destroy you and your family, you need to get out your weapons, because you are at war and you’re greatest weapon is the power of moving heaven on behalf of your children (John 10:10, Romans 16:20, 1 Peter 5:8-9, 1 John 5:14)!
Your role as a mom reflects the nurturing and gentle character of God. God is just and will give vengeance, but He is also a father. He loves us, moms, the way we love our children, but better. He loves us in a way that is unconditional and forgiving. That sounds a little like a mama’s heart doesn’t it? Though we do not do this perfectly like he does, we are created to model this.
STOP COMPARING
Yes Mama, I put that in caps. S T O P comparing yourself to other moms. This only leads to disappointment and frustration. You are in a completely different season and have different experiences than any other mom in the world. Every family dynamic, every household, every marriage, is different and majorly impacts what a mom can or can’t commit to. There is so much freedom in this!
Life looks different for each mom. Look at my new mom season, I was a crazy person to think I could handle everything like other moms at my church. You are going to have to make choices that fit YOUR family and household needs. If there is something that is taking your energy and time away from family, you want to pray and rethink that thing. Whatever it is. Listen to the voice of God, come to throne with your issue. He cares!
Just say no
I know it might not be popular to tell someone no, but sometimes it is necessary. There are times when I have had to tell people know and it hurts them. I hate it and it breaks my heart. However, I can’t let other people’s problems or needs become priority over my own family. I know that sounds so..duh Brooke, but you’d be surprised. It’s a pretty easy trap to fall in to.
Look at my story for example, someone from the outside, may not understand why I had to say no. Sharing with you now, you understand don’t you? It’s okay if others don’t support or are annoyed that you said no. You love them anyway and let it go. You are not a slave to what they think, and more than likely, they’ll get over it too. Don’t let someone else’s feelings impact the priority of your children in your life. You are not a slave to what people think of you (1 Corinthians 7:22).
Sometimes you may yes and it should have been a no. Our feelings can sometimes get into the way and well, newsflash, we are imperfect. It’s okay. Get back up, stick to it, if it’s something you can’t do, then do your best to replace yourself and apologize.
Set boundaries
Set boundaries and a schedule for your family. Pick certain nights that you leave open for your family. In our family, Sunday is our family day. When there is a big choice to be made, talk with your husband about it before you commit. If you are thinking about serving at church or in the community, set a plan and stick to it, (with some exceptions of course).
When you make plans or commitments, really process and pray about how it is going to impact your family. If someone asks a big favor or to make plans, think, look at your calendar, and get back to them. Sometimes, in the moment, it seems right. After prayer and checking your calendar, your mind might change.
God is for you
Your role as mama bear is so important and God has called you to do this. He loves you so much not because of your awesomeness or anything you’ve done. He loves you because He is love. Think for just a second how much you love your kids. Pull them to you right now. Look at their nose, toes, and listen to their laugh. That feeling right there? God feels that about you, but even better. God loves you and is for you, nothing can ever take that away (Romans 8:38-39).
What about you?
What about you, friend? Can you relate at all to my story? Do you struggle in some of these areas? Right now, is there any area where you have maybe said yes, when you needed to say no? Write it down and pray about it. Ask God to help you with this if you are struggling. Feel free to reach out to me as well. I want you to know, I am truly praying for you.
With LOTS OF LOVE,
HEY SISTER, CHECK THIS OUT!
I have a free gift for you my dear! The link below provides a FREE Mantras for Moms download. These mantras are truths to claim over ourselves as moms. Click the link below to claim your FREE gift.
https://mailchi.mp/3f6176df0f13/mantrasformom